Thursday, January 30, 2014

Life in Color

Cabin on the lake painted by me shortly after my divorce and move to Norway
Life is like a canvas full of different colors that splash randomly, making surprises in life. Do you ever wonder what your life would look like if it were to be painted on a canvas? What are the colors of paint that would be splashed, and what forms would they take? As an artist and a writer I would like to show you my life on canvas and paper for one simple reason, to relate, to make a connection, to not feel so alone in this world. 

How many of you feel like your life started out in pastels, moved to black and white with some splashes of red and then a lot of white just to be painted over by black, making everything grey?

I am so sorry that I have not been around for my blogging friends lately; you all know that there are personal reasons for this. I am fighting through the grey, struggling to find some color to paint with again, struggling to find words that will make any sense.
Following a splash of pink created by the birth of my first granddaughter, today a bright white splashed its way onto my life’s canvas. My oldest daughter Nicole has started her own blog about food and family, please visit her and say hello.

Maybe pastels and light are forcing the way onto my life’s canvas again, blotting out the grey. As we all grow older less grey is good, right?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Wheels of Time

My mother and me in Central Park, NY  1959
Certain moments in my life have instantly snapped like a rubber band and I knew at that very instant no matter how hard I tried to fight it, that everything was about to change. It was like that the first time my mother gazed off in the distance, as she sat in her chair, and said to me in a childish voice, “Can you drive me home now? I want to go home but I don’t have any shoes so I can’t walk there.” 

My mother was home. She has been living with me and my family for the past 10 years. Snap goes the rubber band and I knew it was time to quite fooling myself. I had taken her to the doctor even though she had said she was perfectly fine. I was worried about the dosage of her medicine and forced her out of the house to see her doctor. His diagnosis was suspected dementia or another mild stroke. She seemed fine enough at the time but I was kidding myself, letting myself be deceived. Tell me, what child does not want to believe their mother? The rubber band snapped and in an instant I became the parent, my mother the child. My brother and sisters are in the states, so I am a so called single parent. I make the hard decisions alone with the support of my family here because they know firsthand the situation. I keep my sisters and brother informed as best I can, but as one of my sisters said, “What can I do?” She does the best she can by giving me emotional support and that is all I can ask for.

Yesterday after my husband and I checked my mother into a medical facility, where over the course of 3- 4 weeks she will be physically and mentally tested for disease, I felt relieved yet saddened. Relieved knowing that she will get the medical attention she needs yet has fought against. Saddened because I know this proud woman does not like to be where she is but has accepted the fact that she needs the kind of help that I cannot give her. Kissing her on the cheek and leaving her in the care of others reminded me of the first time I left my child in daycare. Strange how the wheels of time can turn and how the snap of a moment can change your life.

Be kind to the people you love because one day when you least expect it that rubber band will snap, and hopefully as your life is changed you will make the right choices.

Happy New Year my friends! I hope the choices you make this year bring you success and happiness!